Things have gone from bad to worse, I’m afraid. I have mainly been hampered by a severe lack of talent, but the weather and general malaise in Englefield Green’s batting haven’t helped me out.
One of the reasons for the general malaise is having a top/middle order batsman who cannot actually bat. When opening I’ve felt a bit like Phil Hughes; just a matter of time before they get me.
In my last update, some three games ago, my average stood at 6.00. Oh to have been able to maintain such a lofty average…
Since then scores of 4, 1 and 0 have been added.
The four runs came in a hefty nine wicket defeat and my innings was ended by an inswinging Yorker that had my name all over it in flashing neon lights. Fair enough to fall to such a delivery, sometimes you get one that’s just too good; that’s the batsman’s lot.
The following week I mustered one solitary run. Thanks to an umpiring error. The ball came down, drifted down the leg side and struck my front foot. A very ambitious lbw appeal went up and was adjudged not out as the umpire deemed that I had struck the ball with my bat. I hadn’t, but was very pleased with the run.
I was soon clean bowled by one that stayed so low as to kiss the toe of my bat in a forward defensive pose en route to the base of the stumps.
Then onto this weekend just gone. Our openers looked sprightly and I entered the fray at number three. Six balls later I returned without scoring. It was a right handed off spinner who bowled me from over the wicket, the ball floating away gently down the leg side before striking a clump of loose turf (the weather was not designed for cricket) to come back behind my legs and brush my leg stump.
This continued poor run of form has left me with a hugely embarrassing season’s average of 3.83. That’s 25 runs from six innings. 11 of them came in my first game.
Never mind equalling Kevin Pietersen’s average in the desert, I’ll do well to better Chris Martin’s Test average at this rate. His top score of 12* seems a long way off for me right now.
I knew I was a prodigiously untalented cricketer, but this season has really rubbed my face in the fact that I’m utterly useless at a game I love.
Still, onwards and upwards: I will continue to broadcast my humiliation to anyone who cares to read!
By Miles ReucroftTweet
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